Sunday, October 17, 2010

To laugh or cry

All is finally quiet on the western front and I have a couple of moments to myself - woohoo! Now if I knew little boy would continue to sleep I would start work on some of the many projects I have started, and become friends with my sewing machine which is looking lonely on the other side of the room.

I love my wee man, I love him more than words can express, but Mama needs a break. This is the first sleep of the day where he has actually gone to sleep by himself in his own bed. Kinda makes for a very long day, when its like riding a very dodgy rollercoaster when he is awake. Laugh, cry, giggle, grizzle, eat, don't eat, swallow, blow raspberries with a mouth full of milk.....Sleep, sleep is bliss. I'm fairly certain that his teeth are once again rearing their ugly head. I just wish they would actually come through this time instead of relentlessly teasing me.

Laugh. A magical sound, makes you feel good inside. Laughing with my little man is the very best way to spend the day. Laughing maniacally is just plan scary though.

Cry. Waterfalls of pain and sorrow exiting your body. Sometimes a good cry is all one really needs.

But today I am both happy and sad. Happy because my little boy is growing and interacting with the world more and more each day, and sad because he's nearly not a baby anymore. Such weird juxtapositions. I have never really understood how you can be both happy and sad at the same time. But in this new phase of my life it seems almost commonplace.

I meet with my mental health team tomorrow. It makes me very reflective. They are wonderful people, but they do ask a lot of probing questions that make me very anxious. I am learning not to dwell on things that are beyond my control - a difficult task for a born worrier.

Now because this has been somewhat a dim post I'll add some of my favourite photos my MIL took over the weekend. I love them!

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